Big Girl World, Two. Allie, Zero.

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I realized I never told y’all about my job interview in Nashville. The job description specifically mentioned public relations, which, if y’all will remember, is my major. As it turns out, this company didn’t really work with public relations as much as direct and promotional marketing. Promotional marketing? I can handle that.

Well, second interview time rolls around, and guess what? It’s not so much direct and promotional marketing as much as direct marketing. And it’s not so much direct marketing as much as SALES. Instead of being at an event working with nonprofit organizations AS I WAS LED TO BELIEVE, I spent all day trying to sell useless, useless crap to innocent people who were trying to buy their groceries. Did I mention that this so-called event was at a grocery store? Because it was.

So after a very long day watching people sell useless crap, I go back to the office, where I am forced to take a quiz over what I learned/what I saw. On this quiz, there were three areas the company focuses on; I was asked to rank them from strongest to weakest. As I have never in my whole life taken a marketing class, that’s what I listed as the weakest — not because I can’t but because I don’t know. Seeing this, the girl looks at me and says in quite possibly the snottiest tone I’ve ever heard, “You do realize this is a marketing group, right?” I explained that I’ve never taken a marketing class, I wouldn’t know. She accepted this and proceeded to ask me if there was a possibility that I could start immediately — “Maybe work mornings or, like, commute or something?” Um, no. Not at all. I live two hours away. Gas is $3.42 a gallon. That’s a BIG no.

Obviously, Nashville is not going to work out. And neither is Memphis because the second interview I had in Memphis was eerily similar to the one in Nashville. However, Memphis did not claim to work with nonprofit organizations. This time, it was a sports marketing group. And this time, instead of setting up shop in a grocery store, I got to walk around business parks. In heels. Because no one felt it necessary to inform me that this “day on the job” thing included walking all day. Aside from ending up with blistered and bloody feet, it wasn’t really that terrible … but still a sales job.

Here’s the thing about me and sales: Even I wouldn’t buy anything from me. The idea of selling things professionally seems like a gigantic waste of a public relations degree. Four or five insurance companies have contacted me through Career Builder and Hot Jobs telling me I’m a perfect candidate for a sales position. If I wanted to sell things, I’d respond to them. Or, you know, I could have foregone college and just sold you jewelry in your local mall. Sales is not for this girl.

So blistered and bloody feet aside, the day in Memphis wasn’t so bad … until my feet felt like they were going to fall off my body. I maintained a good attitude, though, and kept smiling and all that. On the way to a new place, the girl I’m shadowing looks at me and says, “You know, I had a really good time, and I think you’re great, but this job doesn’t seem like it’s something you can get excited about, so I’m just going to let you go home early, okay?”

To anyone else, I think that might be considered rejection, but to me, it was just a big sigh of relief. I might not have a job come Sunday, and yes, that means I’m heading to the dreaded Indianapolis for a little vacation (and NO LONGER THAN THIS SUMMER, by God), but knowing that I will never have to sell meaningless, useless crap to people makes me feel a little better. Not enough to bring me out of my shame spiral … but a little better.

And hey, this just means my parents can totally take some of my stuff back in their car at the end of the weekend. Satty Satty Boo Boo Bear and I feel better about that, at least.

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Filed under Big Girl World, Unemployment Makes You Crazy, Yours Truly