Dear Food Network,
I will always love you, but I wish you would stop disappointing me with your American Idol-style competition shows. How could Michael Symon beat John Besh out for a spot on The Next Iron Chef? He’s John Besh! People know who he is outside of this show! This is nonsense!
The Next Food Network Star started out with such promise. I will admit that I was hesitant and disappointed that my beloved Food Network would stoop to such a level. However, I got sucked in, much like everything else on your channel. I was so excited to see Dan and Steve win, and I was sure they would skyrocket to Rachael Ray levels of fame. Don’t think I don’t notice when you slip in an episode of Party Line with the Hearty Boys at four o’clock in the morning. You can do better than that, Food Network. Bring back Dan and Steve.
I didn’t watch the second season. I imagine there were more important things in my life. Somehow, though, Guy Fieri has become the most successful winner to date. Don’t misunderstand me, Food Network: I like Guy. He reminds me of one of my uncles, and although his hair could stand to be a color that occurs in nature, I really do enjoy Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. Maybe I should be less invested in Next Food Network Star. Maybe that’s the key to success.
The third season and I had a love-hate relationship. I loved Paul and found Amy to be charming. I was thrilled to see Amy win, especially considering it looked like JAG was going to win, and that might have been the end of my relationship with Next Food Network Star. (Reasons Amy was preferable to JAG: Her personality is less abrasive, she goes by her given name as opposed to her initials, and she didn’t lie about her qualifications.) However, Amy chose not to come back for a second season of her show. Amy was approachable but still had the sophistication and class that really perfected the concept of The Gourmet Next Door. I Googled her, and she is currently living in France and writing a column for Bon Appetit magazine. That’s enough closure for me. I still miss The Gourmet Next Door, but I think I can handle it.
The fourth season ended last night. Needless to say, I am not overjoyed with the results. How could you send Kelsey home? How many Food Network shows do you have that cater to twentysomethings? We watch Food Network, too! Give Kelsey a show!
With Kelsey gone, I pretty much stopped caring who won. I don’t necessarily see how Aaron was the clear winner, but I’m willing to give it a shot. But next time, I’m not picking a favorite. You’re just like Lost, Next Food Network Star. Every time I have a favorite, you kill him or her.
On a more positive note, mad props on eighty-sixing Marc Summers. Keep him with Unwrapped. I’m not interested in him hosting anything but Unwrapped, and yes, that does include Unwrapped Trivia. As far as I’m concerned, the Food Network can always use more Bobby Flay. Oh, and more Paula Deen! More Paula, please.
Oh, and thank you for representing West Tennessee with the Neelys. I love them.
Love,
Allie
