As promised, here are topics for further discussion:
What I Watched This Weekend
PBS. Yep, good ol’ Public Broadcasting System. Before my family had cable (not a regular fixture in my house until I was about fifteen or sixteen), I watched copious amounts of PBS. This is where my fascination with cooking shows began. This is also why I briefly considered becoming an antiques appraiser. I really enjoy things that are educational, which explains why if TLC is on for any reason — What Not to Wear, Trading Spaces, Jon and Kate Plus Eight, Seventeen Kids and Counting, Painted Babies at Seventeen — it is on for days. I can’t tear myself away from things that are educational and oddly compelling. My two PBS specials of choice probably fall more into the oddly compelling category: Roy Orbison and Friends: A Black and White Night and The Osmonds’ Fiftieth Anniversary Reunion. To be fair, I got sucked into The Osmonds. I forgot how much I like Roy Orbison and how many hits that man had. I did not forget how wholesome and downright adorable all of the Osmonds are, even fifty years later.
The unfortunate side effects of watching PBS are falling asleep while the TV is on and waking up intermittently throughout the night to How to Play Piano in One Hour (or whatever it’s actually called) and some show about penguins. I’m glad I don’t remember my dreams when I wake up. Otherwise, I probably would have had some sort of nightmare about piano-playing penguins … and Roy Orbison.
How Much I Love Waste Management
I e-mailed my local Waste Management office to inquire just what exactly I am supposed to do with a twenty-year-old TV that is broken and useless. They e-mailed me back within twenty-four hours and were exceedingly polite. Not only that, they had a conclusive answer that was actually helpful. Mad props to whomever is responsible for your customer service training, Waste Management of West Tennessee. You rock.
The Definition of “Curb” for an Apartment Complex
Waste Management said to put the TV on the curb. Does that mean I have to wheel a console TV over to the Dumpster? Does that mean I leave it in the parking lot? Obviously, I will be e-mailing my new best friends at Waste Management and calling my friendly rental office staff to figure out what they want me to do, but what do y’all think? The mental image of me wheeling this TV through my neighborhood is absolutely hilarious, though. Elizabeth, I want you think about that.
How My Doctor’s Office Sucks a Little
All I want to do is meet with my doctor and discuss my prescription and weigh out other options. I do not need any sort of examination. This is not a real doctor’s appointment. Surely there is something available soon. No? Three weeks from today? Sure, I’ll take it. Are you sure there’s not something earlier, doctor’s office? No? Not at all? Can I speak to a nurse?
This has happened every time I have tried to make an appointment. Surely this man is not that popular. I can think of a million reasons why he wouldn’t be, mostly because I was not impressed with his bedside manner. It’s definitely time to consult my shiny book of healthcare providers and find a new doctor.
How My Loan Company Sucks a Lot
Allie: Yes, I’d like to consolidate my private loans because I’d like my monthly payment to be, um, more affordable on my limited income.
Loan Company: Great! Let’s fill out your application.
[Inappropriately long application process]
Loan Company: Sorry, your application has been denied.
Allie: Okay?
Loan Company: We’ll send a letter detailing why.
Letter from Loan Company: Your application was denied because you don’t make enough money.
Allie: What? Are you SERIOUS?
TELL ME IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL. My limited income is why I’m trying to consolidate my loans, you idiots. I’m one hundred percent certain that Satan runs this company, and all of his many incarnations are the customer service representatives. If you enjoy talking to people who are of little to no help and rude … and like to start fights, holler at me. I’ll hook you up with a great student loan company.
