The most passive-aggressive form of communication makes a valiant return to my blog. Ready? Go.
Dear Unnamed Male Friend,
I don’t know if you know this, but I really think Facebook chat is the creepiest thing ever to happen to social networking. If I wanted the world to know how much time I spend on Facebook (Um, definitely not), I would tell them. While I find Facebook chat to be a convenient and quick alternative to calling my siblings or close friends, it also invites a whole slew of creepiness into my life, and frankly, I am not down with that.
Needless to say, I found it a bit odd when you started chatting me out of the blue. At first, I thought it was really sweet that you were so concerned about my job and how traveling was going. Also, being on the road by yourself gets a little lonely, so it was nice to hear from a friend from home. However, I realized that over time, you and I have little in common. So very, embarrassingly little. So little, in fact, that it is unbearably difficult to carry on a conversation at times. AND I’M GOOD AT MAKING SMALL TALK.
I don’t know what about our conversations is interesting or entertaining for you because I’m sure not getting anything out of it. Maybe there’s some sort of satisfaction in knowing that you are somehow continuing our friendship. Maybe I’m an oversharer. I don’t know. In any case, I know you think I’m pretty (Hey, thanks, by the way.), and I know you were really proud of yourself for maintaining our friendship via Facebook chat and made that announcement over Christmas break. To my best friend. And her husband. Uh, thanks.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t continue this whole Facebook chat-centric relationship, but I am saying you need to work on your conversational skills. There are only so many questions I can ask about how your career in sales is going. Also, let’s be real: There are only so many times I can handle YOU starting a conversation and then leaving it hanging. If you really cared, I’d advise you to keep the conversation going. Or, you know, you could stop all together. Or I could commit to quitting Facebook chat. Either seem like a more pleasant alternative to enduring a conversation with you. You’re a great guy, but it’s like pulling teeth to get you to say anything of substance, and darlin, I need some substance in my conversations.
Sincerely,
Allie
